Hmmm....

July 31, 2015

I could complain about all that is bothering me, but that wouldn't change or make anything better.  It would just make me feel worse.  "Choose your battle!" Best quote I've ever been told. The days are long, the battles are many, but, in the end, is it really going to matter tomorrow?  I ask these questions every day.

I was recently  told three little words, 'I love you'.  I was completely caught off guard.  I love this person.  Yes!  I love them.  When those words came out of his mouth, I froze.  I didn't know how to act, what to say or even take him seriously.  Of course he was serious.  The words that followed were even more than I can digest.

"I'm ready to put my all into something.  It couldn't ever be you.  You are too indecisive and we are too much alike." He preceded to go on about how I am and that he didn't want to be the reason to come between me and the man I am dating.  He said he'd disappear out of my life forever if that would help.

Absolutely not!  It would be so horrible.  I couldn't imagine my life without this man in my life.  He has been such a great friend to me. He's seen me through so many things as I've seen him through his tour in Afghanistan.  I know that wasn't an easy time for him. He knows me more than most. I call him my best friend.  I don't place him on a pedestal, but he's definitely a near and dear friend to me.

Things have obviously escalated.

August 11, 2015

I'm very unsure about many things. I am very sure of who I am. I am very sure of who I want in my life. 

It has been exactly one month since these three little words have been said to me.  This time, he said he is "in love" with me.  I am flabbergasted.  Yes! Yes!  I love him so very much!  He has become my best friend, my confidante, the one who seems to know me better than myself.  He has spent the last two weekends at my house, Saturday night into Sunday night. 

I have been able to kiss and cuddle with this amazing person. I love every second of it.  I do, I truly do.  I am so hesitant and scared.  Those three words  have changed the situation completely.  How do I act? What do I do? This is something so new and so different.  This man.... this man...he who is highly emotional, yet, he cannot express himself unless he is truly comfortable with the person he is with. 

Honestly, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  Never I had imagined I could be loved by someone like him.  I once thought I didn't deserve a man like him, now, that thought is gone and I know I deserve someone as great as he.  I know now that I am beautiful and sexy, funny and adorable.  I love me.  I love the person I have become.  I am my own unique greatness.  Nothing could ever change that but me. 

I have been hurt, I have lost, I have pulled myself up through the depths of hell and here I stand, tall, proud and beautiful. 

I love hard, long and forever.  I will give my all.  I may be a pain in the ass, but I promise it will be worth it.  I do love him!  I am falling in love with him.  As each day passes, he becomes a part of me I never want to let go of..  I feel like I cannot breathe when he is not near, yet, he drives me nuts!  I feel like Noah and Alley in the Notebook.  That is how I see our relationship.  There is no label on our relationship, as of now.  We are just friends.  Time will tell how this will end up.