Catching up.

It's been over five years and I'm finally getting back into writing. I almost forgot I had created this blog. So many things happened over five years! My son is now twelve, soon to be thirteen. I remarried and divorced. I've learned a lot, felt a lot and most importantly, lived a lot. There are so many things to begin to talk about... I will come back and go into more detail, especially when it comes to my son. I could write about him non-stop.

Where do I begin? I was dating a great man, Kody(almost two years). Things just weren't in the cards and we went our separate ways. I met Weston. He became my best friend. We dated for two years and married. I thought he was the man I'd spend the rest of my life with. The chain of events that led to the dissolution of our marriage was not in any means a ride I ever want to take again. We were both at fault. I was the enabler and it disabled him completely to the point of no return. The heartache still lingers, but I feel it has made me a stronger person today.

Colin! My sweet baby boy. He's far from being a baby; I absolutely love the young man he's growing into. Colin is two months shy of being thirteen. I am still in awe! He is not supposed to grow so fast! It is just another reminder that life passes in the blink of an eye. I moved back to northern Utah the summer of 2013. It was the best move I have ever made, except that I did not bring the one person nearest and dearest to me, Colin. He decided to live with his father in Las Vegas, Nevada. It was one the hardest things I had ever gone through. I felt rejected and unloved; my only child had chosen his father over me. It was not an easy time, not mention the hell I had gone through with Weston. I held my own and stayed strong. At times, I was not sure I was going to ever get through the slump I was in. Not only had I brought myself down, but I was bringing those around me down, as well.

How do you begin to describe depression? There aren't any words to really get the complete grasp of how dark life is. In my own words, being depressed feels like I am stuck in the middle of a lake with cement stuck to my feet. It's a constant feeling of being dragged down, water always going over my head and not being able to pull myself up.

Ok. I am going to speed things up to now, July 16, 2015. This year has been a personal journey of accomplishments and overcoming fear. I ran my first obstacle course race. Spartan Super. It was 8.5 miles long with 25 obstacles. I trained for almost four months. By training, I mean I spent less time in the gym, more time pumping myself up to do this race and changed my diet. Ha ha ha! No, honestly, I didn't spend much time in the gym. I did, however, push myself to run more than I ever have (I hate running). I cut soda out of my diet, ate even better than I already had been and mentally prepared myself for what was to come. June 27, 2015, I completed the race!! It was the best high I could have ever gotten! The feeling that I overcame what was told to me I couldn't or wouldn't be able to do, PRICELESS! I have met some incredible people in my life.

There is one person who has been an absolute angel in my life. I have never met a person that is so uplifting, inspiring and genuine, in my life. He is far from perfect, but he's a perfect friend. Perfection. Hmm.. I am not holding him on a pedestal, just stating that as a friend, he is both a pain in the ass and most definitely a sweetheart. He has been brutally truthful and I cannot express my appreciation enough. He is my best friend. Friend, nothing sexual about it. Just friends, yes, it IS possible. I am going to stop here for now..