My Not-so-little Man

The summer has come and gone.  I have had Mr. Colin since June 5, 2014.  Brice and I picked him up in Vegas and drove through Nevada, stopping in Portland, Oregon to visit our family.  This is just the beginning of my time with this sweet boy. 

We spent a few days in Portland and drove home.  What a great time.  Road trips are always interesting.  It was the first time for Brice and Colin to meet each other.  My best friend and my number one little man... they got along great!  It was like having two-twelve years in the car at times. 

Colin has had a very busy summer.  He has been able to spend lots of time with my dad.  He has gone fishing, helped mow lawns and hang out with all of his cousins he doesn't get to see very often.  I have taken him to Lagoon, the amusement park.  He and I did the Sky Coaster.  It is a free-falling swing.  You get harnessed in and they raise you up about 200 feet, then you pull the cord and drop, swinging back and forth until you slow to a stop.  He had so much fun..

We have gone boating with a friend of mine.  Any place with water, he is definitely happy to be there.  He is my natural born fish. 

I have watched this young man grow so tall, so handsome and compassionate.  His heart is huge and his love for life is even greater!  He loves his family more than anything and is constantly conflicted with the stress of being able to choose where he wants to live.  Personally,  I have accepted that he has chosen to be with his dad because he now has siblings.  That is one thing I understand full-heartily.  I always wanted siblings while growing up. 

He will be in seventh grade and turns thirteen next month (September 19, 2015).  Oh. My. Gosh!  I am going to have a teenager!!!  Where in the heck has the time gone!!?  I have been extremely blessed with this amazing young man.  There area days I feel I could be such a better mom and do things differently.

I cannot constantly beat myself up.  I am doing my best; that is all once can do.  I know I can change a few things in my raising him.  I am thankful for that advice.  Ah. 

Life is so interesting. 

Hmmm....

July 31, 2015

I could complain about all that is bothering me, but that wouldn't change or make anything better.  It would just make me feel worse.  "Choose your battle!" Best quote I've ever been told. The days are long, the battles are many, but, in the end, is it really going to matter tomorrow?  I ask these questions every day.

I was recently  told three little words, 'I love you'.  I was completely caught off guard.  I love this person.  Yes!  I love them.  When those words came out of his mouth, I froze.  I didn't know how to act, what to say or even take him seriously.  Of course he was serious.  The words that followed were even more than I can digest.

"I'm ready to put my all into something.  It couldn't ever be you.  You are too indecisive and we are too much alike." He preceded to go on about how I am and that he didn't want to be the reason to come between me and the man I am dating.  He said he'd disappear out of my life forever if that would help.

Absolutely not!  It would be so horrible.  I couldn't imagine my life without this man in my life.  He has been such a great friend to me. He's seen me through so many things as I've seen him through his tour in Afghanistan.  I know that wasn't an easy time for him. He knows me more than most. I call him my best friend.  I don't place him on a pedestal, but he's definitely a near and dear friend to me.

Things have obviously escalated.

August 11, 2015

I'm very unsure about many things. I am very sure of who I am. I am very sure of who I want in my life. 

It has been exactly one month since these three little words have been said to me.  This time, he said he is "in love" with me.  I am flabbergasted.  Yes! Yes!  I love him so very much!  He has become my best friend, my confidante, the one who seems to know me better than myself.  He has spent the last two weekends at my house, Saturday night into Sunday night. 

I have been able to kiss and cuddle with this amazing person. I love every second of it.  I do, I truly do.  I am so hesitant and scared.  Those three words  have changed the situation completely.  How do I act? What do I do? This is something so new and so different.  This man.... this man...he who is highly emotional, yet, he cannot express himself unless he is truly comfortable with the person he is with. 

Honestly, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  Never I had imagined I could be loved by someone like him.  I once thought I didn't deserve a man like him, now, that thought is gone and I know I deserve someone as great as he.  I know now that I am beautiful and sexy, funny and adorable.  I love me.  I love the person I have become.  I am my own unique greatness.  Nothing could ever change that but me. 

I have been hurt, I have lost, I have pulled myself up through the depths of hell and here I stand, tall, proud and beautiful. 

I love hard, long and forever.  I will give my all.  I may be a pain in the ass, but I promise it will be worth it.  I do love him!  I am falling in love with him.  As each day passes, he becomes a part of me I never want to let go of..  I feel like I cannot breathe when he is not near, yet, he drives me nuts!  I feel like Noah and Alley in the Notebook.  That is how I see our relationship.  There is no label on our relationship, as of now.  We are just friends.  Time will tell how this will end up.