The Calm Before the Storm
...the storm has come...Life definitely throws some hard balls, and they hurt once you've been hit. That's how I am feeling now. I don't know what to think, say or do. My heart has been broken, and I just don't know how to act, especially when I was told I am the one who cannot be trusted?? Confused? Yes!
What the hell? I accidentally came across something stupid and maybe I did make a big deal out of it, but as I see it, it is a big F***ing deal. I am past that point in my life, no more secrets, no more lies, no more hiding things. I do not want a relationship that way. Thus far, I have been so completely happy with what I have, with who I am with (in love with) and everything else. I never knew how bad love could hurt until it finally happened to me.
My heart feels like it has been ripped out and stomped on, over and over and over again. I feel like I cannot breathe, as if I have been punched in the stomach. The tears come at the most inopportune time. I find myself crying uncontrollably and it just won't stop.
To make things worse, it is now MY fault!! How? Well, someone has to point fingers when they are wrong, right? That is my only guess.
I just feel so lonely, betrayed, lied too! I get to spend the weekend now, with all the family after all this bullshit happened and I have to admit I am a little uncomfortable. I know Mom(his mom) is definitely going to take his side, the other brothers and sister in laws, maybe not so much. I just don't know.. I am speechless. Completely speechless!
EMOTIONS OF LIFE/LOVE
Life, it is what is, or so many think.
We have a good and bad days,
The bad always seem to outweigh the good.
Love is an emotion, and action, reaction
Or just and emotionless word said to
Make one believe.
Don't fill my heart will empty promises,
Don't fill my head with empty sayings,
I am who I am and will continue to always grow in time.
Life.
It has its up and downs.
Just when you think all is well,
You get your heart ripped out.
You lose all track of everything,
Thinking of only the pain that fills your heart.
Love.
What will be will be.
Hope for the best, expect the worst.
Move on if it isn't all it cracked up to be.
Time will tell, will heal
And will prove if this is the life
We want together, the life worth
Working through the hard balls it throws at us.
My motto:
Live-Laugh-Love.
8-26-2009
STEPHANIE JANEEN IVERSON
